Profilectlx.Carlene Tan Li Xuan 11th July 1988. Currently 23+. Studied in St. Anthony's Canossian Primary and Secondary School, SRJC (first 3 months), TPJC, NUS FASS (econs). loves family, friends, chocs, western desserts, yellow, etc etc.
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Tuesday, November 29, 2005The day i left,The day it ended. I left hoping something happy would come, But it ended in tears. I wasn't there to hold her and tell her its ok, But i know she's strong. I always thought he was a responsible and good guy, I guess i'm wrong. I cannot judge him cos i don't know him, But i can strongly say, my friend treasured him fully, it was always this way. Her fairy tale story came to an end, But it left a scar deep in her heart. Wonder if he's even remorseful, wonder if he even had doubts, but i guess he didn't. It was only her cries. She's away now, for fourteen days, i guess its a great way, to wash her sadness away. Another will be away soon, to wash off hers, her hope for the future, gradually fading, disperse. I hope they'll be alright, i know they'll be strong. i know they'll meet someone better, but how long can they hold on. Can they move on frem this terror, can they move away from the fear, of dropping once again, into this cycle of love. hey peeps!!! i'm finally back after 12 days. i guess pple back at s'pore would think 12 days is long, but 12 days at thailand really flew past quickly. And i do miss my time there so very much. i guess i won't ever spend such a meaningful time in my life had i not gone there. really, this trip was NO regret. love it to bits. On the first day as i was about to board and take off, i felt kind of reluctant, like as if there were many things i couldn't leave behind. Many things i wanted to bring along with me because i felt i would be lonely, since i didn't have any close friends and there wasn't anyone from my class, my next closest "kin" was candice(my sec sch classmate). So ya, the feeling was rather unbearable. and 12 days appeared really really long. Visiting the school kinda made things a little worse for me cos i didn't dare to walk up and talk to them. i mean the kids and us were like in 2 totally different lingo. no link no nothing. the only words i knew were "sa-was dee ka". tt's it. we were all quipped with a paper with simple phrases like what's your name and so on. BUT other than that we were like aliens from 2 different planets. The food wasn't exactly my kind of food. the curry tasted a little funny, but we all tried to finish it cos the kids were reciting this "song" of some sort and it said something like they had to finish everything on their plates cos there are pple worse than them and thus they should appreciated everything they have and so they must finish all their food. Felt kinda ashamed cause most singaporean kids don't appreciate things this way. i mean even if we had that mentality, it wasn't carried out most of the time. I really did try to finish what i could, but those bamboo shoots were really hard to swallow. i'm really sorry i couldn't finish it. Dinner was bbq at the back of this restaurant we were gonna have our dinner and breakfast at. Back there, the tables were filled with crikets and insects and fleas all over the table especially nea the lamps which was super difgusting. i mean typical s'pore girl like me, afraid of bugs. So ya, dinner wasn't all that enjoyable i guess? So the first day was definitely no meaningful day. Felt kinda lousy cos i didn't know why i wouldn't just open my stupid mouth and say hi or something. So i was determined to do so the next day. Second day wasn't any better. i was still rather closed up and i guess some pple noticed it. Cos they kinda asked and pushed me a little to do something. of which i guess i did in the end. say mayb 3rd day at school or something. It was a saturday if i remembered correctly. The kids weren't suppose to have school, in fact but they were called back so we could spend time with them. So we did and we played some games, wanted a telematch but the game failed cos we couldn't get the kids attention so they were bascially just wondering about pulling us along. After that, we had lunch, which erm, well, ok. can't really remember what i ate actually. haha. Alright, anyways, the days that followed became much better much happier and i got to know the kids better, kinda regret knowing them only so late later. Things began to turn for the better, found pple with the same frequency, gossiping away, set up the gossip club with loads of nonsense in it. haha... really cute stuff. The last day at school was really hard, really really hard. Just think, how many pple can build bonds with pple u can't even really communicate with, how many can feel the love arising even without speaking a word. How many pple can truly appreciate every single little thing you say and do, and appreciate your acute presense to the maximum. Cried our hearts out, started tearing from the start of the lesson. The feeling of having to part was terrible. It was really heart wrenching. Yesterday was shopping shopping shopping. Well, met an ugly store vendor at patong, shan't elaborate, but anyways, i was happily buying, felt i should have bought more. shucks. haha... ESPECIALLY those BAGS!!! WA!!! cannot find in s'pore really. I guess feelings and emotions in 12 days can never be represented enough in words. Memories are kept deep within me and its forever. i'll always remeber. Monday, November 14, 2005today was really busy busy. had piano in the morning. then went back to SAC, trained my so called com team which er, needed tremendous improvement if they wanted to win anything seriously. alright, so that was some disappointment. Then went back to tpjc, but not before lunch with cheryl and mei yi, found out some saddening stuff which to my displeasure, i can't be of help. i guess this is where its all a one man show.met my ocip dance group and we re-did the dance, it is much clearer and better now i believe. or at least i hope. gotta wake up like say at 6 tomorrow? gotta go down to bugis area, u know the temple? yup, gotta pray for safety. erm, then got training, then, come home, bathe... then go back to school for 1 last meeting. then gotta finish up my teaching materials. It was a wild beginning for some, it was sweet for others, Whichever it was, there was attraction. Some went on well, others failed. But behind every failure, there's always a reason. Some reasons are ridiculous, some cannot be forgiven, but whatever the reason, it left someone broken. When someone's broken, the someone questions. "why even commit when u couldn't keep, when start when u're not settled within?" Sometimes, the someone's left kep in the dark. And the someone waits hoping an explanation will come, but it never does. Why a sad ending when there could be no ending if it had never started? Why hurt her so if u were never serious? Why not explain and be truthful about it? Why not both be open and share the innermost worries? Saturday, November 12, 2005riddle for today:what's rectangular? comes in 2, made of plastic steel and glass? That's.... my NEW SPECS!!! haha, yup yup, going to change specs, quite cheap i find cos they have some promotion going on now, its erm 88 bucks, plus frame and high index glass etc etc. hope it looks nice on me. oh guess what... my astigmatism went down by 50 degrees on each side!!! cool rite!!! super duper happy. =) yup. that took place in the evening. i didn't do the anything for nearly the day. except a few charts for teaching, and some chem hw. erm, yup, had a really meaningful evening. but i guess the star of this evening was mei yi... went to her meeting today, it was some mini gathering, like what church goers would call their cell meeting? it was SOMETHING like that, just that there was cheese cake making, and the cheese cake is way cool. really. I guess this evening meant a lot to mei yi cos it was somewhat a sharing session of her religion. of how her religion had made her to what she is now, and how it has strengthen bonds between her and her mum. her mum was way cool, but i guess she wouldn't totally agree, i mean i guess its totally normal to not think of what we have as the best we can get. so well, yup. mei yi sent a special dedication to us and she cried during her speech, sitting there listening to her dedicating the thing made me tear. luckily no one saw.. ^.^. well, she has made a long way to become where she is now. and i'm proud to have her as 1 of my bestest pals.. u go girl! keep moving on and one day... u'll become a nu qiang ren. =) oh right, gotta thank her parents for sending me home. thank u uncles auntie!!! yup, after the session, there was.......... FOOD!!! haha, cheese cake and sushi. YUMMY. super nice. enjoyed the food to the max. wonder hows the poor owner of the house going to clear up after we leave. hm... alright... guess i'll end here. take care everyone!!! Wednesday, November 09, 2005hm... today was the first time i should think, that i actually went out shopping with my sister. And i mean just me and my sis, no mum, or dad, or brother. so basically, it meant decisions were made up by us. and i really mean US. i mean i'm kinda not use to that cos i hardly make any decisions on my own(besides whether i want to and can go out). yup, everything else is more or less decided for me. so, was kinda nervous today, cos i was afraid that, hm, i think its me and my sis, we were both afraid we bought the wrong kind of clothes and then, mum would be unhappy. yup. so anyhow, we tried many many clothes. as in MANY. mine was mostly skirts, and a few tops which i had to squeeze myself into. my sis tried more pants i think. she doesn't really have this thing for skirts. but she ended up buying 2 tops whilst i got a top and a skirt.We both bought this top with the same design, but different colour. her's is white whilst mine is yellowish? i mean the kind that's near brown. yup. bought a black skirt for 18 bucks. wonder if tt's worth, but anyhow i bought it and i quite like it... =) alright, enough bout clothes. we decided not to buy shoes or sandals today cos i guess i didn't trust the quality. i mean mum knows best, so go out with her and get sandals, safer. haha... then we headed to bedok, dropped my sis off for tuition then went home. wanna send my thanks to =) Thanks for the cookies!!!! Tuesday, November 08, 2005Had OP today, well, i guess it was alright, but all of us were nervous, so we all started speaking quite fast, yup, and thus, we all spoke less than 5 mins, except for me? The bell rang and i think i jumped a bit. The questions were difficult, well, at least i felt our questions were the most difficult. It was really all from what you can think of at that moment. I heard there were some classes who were asked 4-5 questions, i mean answer until they answered the question. i mean when we're nervous and we get asked questions, we tend to go off track, and not answer the question rite, that's what i mean. For my accessors, they just ask u once, and whether or not u answer them correctly, they just take it assess on it. yup...that's all for OP. now, there was this person who spoilt my whole morning. urgh. but ah wells. so anyways, that's all for my update. just wanna wish all whose taking major exams and those who haven't had their OP GOOD LUCK!!! JIA YOU!!! =) *i don't know if wad u've written on ur blog is directed to me, and i don't know if i'm really offended u tt badly. and if the msg is for me, then i wanna say again i'm NOT acting. mayb u haven't met anyone who has behaviour as eratic as mine, and if tt msg is for me, and u do have things u want to tell me, PLS do, but without the vulgarities? honestly, i get scared, i'm scared easily. i hate it when pple use vulagrities cos i think its crude, and if anyone shouts or screams at me with vulgarities, i think i'll cry, or i'll b scared to the extent i won't ever dare to talk to tt person again. i dunno y u can't accept the fact tt i'm not acting, and i dunno what gives u the impression i am. whatever it is, i think mayb not talking to u for a while is good for u, mayb tt way u feel better and can be happier. i'm sorry i've been the one person tt's a mistake to know. yup. and may u always be happy.* now pple, its a secret msg, its just some blabbaring nonsense i left there, if anyone manages to figure out, smart child. if u don't, u're still smart... haha.. Monday, November 07, 2005Today was erm, fun? but super duper tiring though, see, i only slept at 2a.m this morning, and woke up at 6.30a.m cos i had piano. Then, i rushed home, got a shower and out of the house i went again. I was kinda expecting myself to be late cos i left at 10.30 when i was to meet the rest at 11, and the bus usually takes long. So anyhow, i was early in the end, way earlier than i thought. Felt kinda uncomfortable with the top, think the transparent straps were rather painful on the skin. So we headed to Russell's house, practised our OP for about 3 times or so, then had lunch at his house. i must give my sincere gratitude for that lunch, Thank you. And then practised another say 2 times before i left to meet my lil dog. Haven't seen "it" for 2 days. haha...Erm, we headed to bugis(i know, fancy bringing a dog around) but anyways, yup, took a photo with my doggie, then wanted to watch a movie(crazy i know) but couldn't cos i had to rush back by 8, and watching a movie would definitely not fly me home by 8. So we headed to suntec(btw, i WALKED there, can u imagine how many calories i shedded? ^.^) and checked out the movie times and again, the timing was too rush. So we ended up walking around suntec, then headed to subway(yes with my dog) and ate the exact same thing i ate the other day i was there. And i saw that urgh manager's face, and this time, there WAS brownie where it was suppose to be. The cookie was so... *smacks lips* that i wanted to buy more home, but i resisted cos i wanted to lose weight (and im super determined on that). yup. alright, so now i'm home, and yup, cheers to my doggie for our first 1 month together. Chapter 3: First actual training I remembered clearly snail as one of my platoon mates because she said something totally outrageous and appalling. See, it was our first drill lesson, and there are times where we make mistakes and seniors went around correctly them either by pushing back our shoulders so on and so forth. Then, when the senior approached snail and touched her. "Don't touch me!! i'm still a virgin." TT'S what snail said, and the next moment, we were all sprawling on the floor going "1 IC, 2 IC ... ...". That was my very first experience that made me remember snail. *alright, i must change my previous chapter because mei yi said it was wrong. so readers pls not, cow and turtle happen to be in the same cca(sjab). They didn't choose it cos they both had a mutual agreement.* With that, i end chapter 3. Alright, its getting crappy, i can't wait to go into the happenings NOW, but ah wells, better recall those happy times before it all flies out of my teeny brain.=) Saturday, November 05, 2005Hm... let's see, today was pretty much a usual sat, but it was piano in the morning instead, had piano at 9.30. had bread for breakfast, then my parents dropped me and my sis off at the teacher's house and went for their appointment at orchard.alright, had to go the the "sir" building at lavender after piano, u know that building where u get all ur passports so on and so forth done. yup! TT place, had to bring my sis there cos her teacher said her photo didn't look like her anymore thus gotta do a photo update and ya, had to enquire. was rather embarrassing cos we kept going back to the counter cos everytime we called our mum, she would come up with something else for us to enquire. haha, anyways, i guess it was good experience for my sis who never bothers opening her lil golden mouth. yup. then we went up to take her i/c photo. i guess she didn't look tt bad. i tell u arh, those photo machines there are a monopoly. guess what made me conclude tt? they increase their picture taking form 5 bucks to 5.25!!! haiyo, so terrible rite. but then again, i guess it's pay increment for those pple whorking there so i guess it ain't all that bad lar. but there goes to show a monopoly. haha... oops.. going crazy. alright *snaps fingers* back to reality. =D after all the enquiries and photos, it was to bras basah, my parents were to meet us there. then my sis wanted to go the the 2nd hand bkstore to see if she could get any good comics. yup... spent the time there then ya, the rest of they day.... Now here comes the climax. As you would all know, i always go to my grandparents' place during the weekends and we always go there for dinner. Guess what i found in my dinner today? i found a maggot on my rice as i was scooping it out from the cooker.great i know. had to eat it anyways. NOT the maggot i mean, TT i gave to my mum to examine. the rest i ate, no choice. courtesy. yup yup, came back home and watched freaky friday. nice show that was. teared over it. in fact i teared over 2 shows today. 1 was the channel 8 show at 7, which was the last episode and the other was freaky friday. As for the rest of the details... too lazy to elaborate. shall end my entry here... tata!!! UH-HM... read those tags... it said i can continue with my boring =X story so i shall!!! whee!! Chapter 2: Our first meeting The first day of school, we all spent it differently. But, turtle who was suppose to find cow, didn't and left cow in the canteen patiently waiting for turtle's appearance. but she didn't appear. About 2 weeks later, it was CCA orientation, and everyone could geta glimpse of the different ccas' available and from there pick what they would like, but of course there were auditions and stuff. Cow and turtle decided on SJAB whilst snail and i picked guides. However until then, the i didn't know snail and cow, and vice versa. I didn't get into the audition for guides at the end, after all the time spent waiting for the interview(there were about 50++ of girls who signed up). So my next alternative: SJAB. It so happened it was snail's next alternative too. And there comes our first meeting. We met at the SJAB first training. That wasn't all that memorable cos i stayed with my pal, the bee. Bee and i were friends since goodness knows when. And till then, we still didn't mingle around. In fact, after a few weeks, we started having some unkind impressions of each other. End. I know this chapter's kinda dry. missed out loads of details. had to before pple start drooling in front of their com. =) yup, i guess the next chapter will be much more interesting trust me. so keep looking out for it. meanwhile take care folks!!! ^.^ Friday, November 04, 2005i embarrassed myself TWICE today!!!!!!! argh!!!! *weeps*so embarrassing... alright, let me start with what i had today. Met my PW group at 11a.m today at tampines mrt, we were suppose to go have lunch then go to wenting's house. Headed to yoshinoya, and i ordered a student meal. kinda made a fool of myself cos i was commenting that the soup wasn't nice, and i think i said it kinda loudly which was very rude i know. but anyhow, i ordered the student meal, and stupid me thinking that there was soup, told the girl taking orders to not give me the soup, and erm, she thought i wanted to order soup, then i said, no i don't want it, and she was like giving the "what??!!!" look... =X then she told me, "no soup". ARGH!!! That's for embarrassing part 1. Talked to wenting on the bus and learnt quite a lot of stuff, guess i gotta thank her for making me think twice about some stuff i take for granted. thanks girl. =) Alright, for embarrassing day part 2. Now, if u read the tags on my tagboard and have seen my previous post, you will realise there are some links. my dearest sister cindy questioned about the purpose of my post, and said i had a nice template, but no, guess what i did, i read it as nice story. GREAT. so if u do read what i tagged back, it totally makes no sense. especially when i tagged back to mei yi, goodness, i guess i'm dying... losing all my reading cells.. *tears hair* =D ok ok, shall stop yup, tt's embarrassing event 2 Visited my doggie just now and did manual work, "it" better appreciate it.. ^.^ ok! just watched ice princess, long ago movie by walt disney but just borrowed the dvd from someone, so anyways, it was a nice sweet movie. my sort of movie, touching, with a tinch of romance, can never leave tt out... hehe... yup, so i'm done with my post... Take care one and all!!! Thursday, November 03, 2005This is a story of 4 best friends, myself(the pig), the cow, the snail and the turtle.Chapter 1: Different lives We all lead seperate lives before we met. Cow, turtle and i were in the same primary sch. Cow and turtle were good friends ever since young. In fact, pig and turtle were in the same class in grade 5 and 6, but they were never close. Snail was the most distant from us all. She was in some far away primary school. But we all ended in the same secondary school, and that's where we started the most quarrelsome yet memorable time of our lives. End of chapter 1.. haha, just being lame, doesn't make sense, wasn't inspirational enough... =X alright, i'm off now... see ya!!! Tuesday, November 01, 2005hello everyone!!! =DAlright, let me first start off by reporting what a wonderful day i had with my pals last night. On second thoought, i should start off with my paper. The Chinese Paper =) It was erm, alright? If not for the fact my menses came and ya, disrupted my whole train of thoughts, cos the THING didn't just come, it came with cramps. ya, just imagine, u want to write this marvellous compo but everytime you want to pen something with "mo shui" or so my dad says, you hear yourself ouching away cos the pain's erm, unbearable? Fortunately, the invigilators were kind enough to let us off to the toilet during the 15 min break(which i thought was not allowed, and apparently it isn't i guess?) but nevertheless, it was well appreciated. Anyhow, paper 2 wasn't all that good either cos i spent half the time on thinking of ways how i will not stain. but erm, ya, the compre was rather tough i found, so was the summary. i could write 2 words from the "tian xie han zi" section. WHEE!!! carlene's main accomplishment. just hope i can pass this paper not too badly so i won't have to retake. *prays hard* and i pray that everyone won't have to retake too! *prays even harder* Alright, having TCP done.. next!!! Alright, after the paper, the time taken to collect your bag is quite long right, cos you know people squeeze and all, so ya, that's where all the mess and trouble came it. Because i was standing there for soooooo long, the thing was bleeding profusely and thus, i ya... So i decided to go late for OCIP meeting and go home and get changed. I wasn't all that late i guess, but i felt reall stinky and smelly and really terrible. like giddiness and all. and my cramps were hurting. you know those kind that comes once in a while. like OUCH and then no more. you know those.. yup. Anyhow the meeting nded earlier than i thought so i was quite happy, BUT BUT there were many things to be changed cos our syllabus weren't good enough, as in we didn't plan for upper primary students... which was mistake on my part. yup, but i really wasn't in any shape to do any discussion. =X Anyways, as everyone was starving, they all decided to meet online instead but i couldn't make it cos i was going to meet my pals... =) The Esplanade Serenade Now, the chim chim thing comes in. Our prep talk again. You know those kind where you just sit and talk. Before i go into greater detail. Let me announce. i ate SUBWAY for the FIRST time yesterday!!! haha!!! and the COOKIE was GREAT!!! =) yup. me and cheryl ate the student special, which is a small sandwich, a drink and a cookie. I took ham whilst cheryl took cold cut trio. and i ate only 2 type of veg. cucumber and lettuce. =D (little, but at least i ate veg rite... ) and the both of us took double choc chip for our cookie. it was um..... yummy. =D Then cindy and mei yi shared this inch long thing lar. Don't really know what it is, anyhow, we ended up buying up 12 cookies in total. 9 bucks for 12, each of us took 3, cheryl brought 1 home for her sis, and i brought 2 home, 1 for my sis and the other for my bro. Apparantly they haven't eaten it, if it spoils before they eat it, i will murder them lar, i mean if they don't want my fabulous cookie... then... i can have it!!! haha!! Alright, so anyhow, let me continue, so after we bought the cookies, we headed to The Esplanade. It was already half past 8 i think. yup. arrived there... took some pictures and it was cookie talk time!!! ^.^ we ate and talk and in fact, we spent most of the time advising snail. Wonder if those advices work, but anyhow, we did tell her all we could. She's 1 confused child. I guess her inability to open up gives her a major disadvantage, but i can tell she's trying. or at least i'm sure she will try. =) You can do it, you know you can. and whatever choice it may be, you have all ur 3 sisters behind you. =D Yup, time flies. really wanted to talk longer but it was already 10++ and we are all good girls so we've gotta be home in time to see our parents. haha. and i was holding 2 cookies... later poeple rob me. haha!!! yup. So i'm going to end here for my entry. and i love my sisters did i ever mention? i love my class too, esp my gang, and my friends and of course my family. *why must u 2 be so headstrong. the 2 of you can cause the whole house to go into chaos. how can u be so rude to mum. you're so outrageously rude to everyone in the household. you don't gove a damn whether i'm your sis or she's your mum. you're just as rude. you simply have no respect. and i don't get it, don't you find it hurtful when mum decides to ignore you? why can't u just wake up in the morning and not dily daly and get everyone late? why must you always without fail make everyone wait? why cna't you be a bit more sensible? talking to you kills, whenever i want to tell you you're wrong in some aspect, you scream back at me. i'm no good sister, i'm not a good example, i'm selfish hot tempered etc etc, but you don't have to follow. dont' take ME as a reason why you're like that today. you're who you choose to be. I could have become much worse but i didn't cos i know i didn't want to. i can be extremely rude, but i know when i'm wrong but you don't. you don't give i damn whether or not ur words hurt others. you only say what u think is right. but how do u know that everything u say is right? can't you think from the other person's point of view? where has all the SAC teaching gone to? what kind of person r u becoming to be do u know? Drag you out of bed in the morning, everyone's waiting for you so we can all go out for breakfast but you choose to lay in bed and just make everyone wait and scream for you. seriously you ought to be extremely ashamed of yourself. You make yourself lovable in front of others and i find that totally shameless. you're one kind of person at home and another somewhere else. the words you say at times make me feel like slapping you straight. so fake so ARGH!! where's the sincerity??? mum has given up all hope on you, she doesn't care bout u aymore and u act obliviant? is that what you want? you want everyone to not care bout u and let u live on ur own. for goodness sake! u SHARE a room with me, andur clothes are shrewn everywhere. as in EVERYWHERE. undergarments EVERYTHING is just thrown all over. keep telling you to clear, its unhygenic but do u heed? NO! tell me, so what if u have much more musical talent than me, so what if you're more talkative than i am, so what if people have a dull impression of me, at least i know i can live up to myself. i don't hurt as many people as you do. ARGH!* = you're a great mum. you're good. you sacrifice. but you don't have tolerance. Is admitting you're wrong for once going to kill? she's rude, she irritating to the max, but she's after all your sister. how can you say you won't care and therefore you won't? after all you gave birth to her. whether you like her for the way she is or not, she was once in ur womb for 9 months no? I can't say i can stand her either, but i know i won't give up on her because i have to live with whatever she is. i have no motivation. she hurts me soooo much i want to kill her and not see her again, but how can i do that? no one can. how long more and how many times more do u want to see yourself as pitiful. as stressed? as giving up for worthless reasons? and when can u finally accept that you're a "tan". u see yourself as a "lee". there are many characteristics you don't like about the "tan" family. and i can name you hundreds of which i can't stand the "lee" but do i? no. i accept you're like that, but that doesn't mean i can tolerate. i'm in no postition to question, to have a say of right or wrong. but i want you to know that you don't always have to be right to gain my respect. in fact, i would LOVE a mum wadever way she is. ugly, fat, thin... so be it. i don't care. i only care about the way she brings herself. when dad wants to hold a gathering, you complain, you whine, you self pity, but when the guests come you're a whole new different person, you act like the perfect wife. wearing a mask? is that what you want to teach us? is that why sis is like that? you complain about wasting money, but when your friends come, don't you spend money as well. yes, dad doesn't pay for many stuff and your allowance is depleting fast, but why should you worry? If you think you're done all you are and all you can for this house, your son and daughters WILL be filial. so why shouold you worry that we'll leave you behind? You tell us again and again you've given up all you have, but do you know once is enough. more than once makes it insincere? what's you point in telling us time and time again. so that we'll remember you've given up more than dad and so we won't abandon you but abandon dad instead? what is it you want from reinforcing the point you've given up so much? when you're unhappy with someone or something, you flare at every single one at the house, and if we don't do what you wish, or if we disagree with you, you say we're all "tans" and therefore we'll have one unison answer. what utter rubbish! don't you understand? we all have our own point of view. is it so hurting to hear another point of view? is it so difficult to accept new ideas? or you think whatever you do and think is the one and only right way of doing things. everything else will fail? is that it? i hope you can stop all this cold war soon, and just think about it. i don't know when that will be, but i'm willing to wait, and i hope you do your part. = - i guess i don't understand how you think, i don't think i ever will if you don't ever open up. but i don't see what's wrong with just being friends. i mean, if i ever did anything to make you like me, i'm sorry. i don't ever mean anything to happen, i just know whatever i behave is how i an and i hope you can accept the real me and not the preconcieve version of me. its so difficult cause there's this awkwardness between us and the worst fact? we're classmates. i know its hard for you, i'm trying to get rid of this awkwardness cause i don't ever want to have to ignore anyone, especially not from my class. you can tell me to pretend you're not there, to just pretend i don't know you, but how can i? you're a friend who was once a counseller and someone i could rant to. but now? is it just because things took a different turn and thus you choose to ignore me? i never could understand the fact why people refuse to talk to one another after "something" happens because anyhow, we all started out as friends at the very beginning no? why can't we all just go back to that stage. we can't be ignorant of what has already happened, but i know for sure it's effortless to remain friends. i really hope we can talk like we did again. - |